I could have been a monk but I missed my chants
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Referring to her 28-day cycle as her Doomsday Clock is wrong…
I know that now…
Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night.
Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb.
This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I’m not going to work tomorrow.
Too bad the Kardashian show couldn’t be like “The Ring” and kill anyone who watches it.
Geez, you have 3 birthdays in a month & suddenly the restaurant gets all, “We need to see ID before you get a free birthday dessert, Ma’am”.
The cool thing about Lady Doritos is if you toss them in a bag with male Doritos they make you an endless supply of delicious Baby Doritos.
Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks.
It was the 2nd grossest taste I’ve ever had in my mouth.
(No offense, Andrea.)
It costs nothing to be kind. But then again, it costs nothing to be a sociopath. So you see my dilemma.
there should be a jail just for people that don’t break apart kit kats before they eat them