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@alispagnola

Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren’t supposed to make you dumber.

@fapanislives

Fun Fact: I love it when Americans whose Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather emigrated from Ireland say “I’m Irish”. No.

@AskinWayne

I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell

@Ygrene

Oh man almost forgot the trash
*takes trash out, a nice little sushi place*
This is great
*sees wife there with the recycling*
WHAT THE HELL

@FlyoverJoel

If people winked in real life as much as they do on the Internet, the world would be about 542.67% creepier.

@noog

Snakes are terrifying because they can’t trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.

@juneohara65

It seems like every time I consider arson, the price of gas goes up.