Can I call my mom? She said this would never happen. Wait-will you call her? Tell her this is happening! She’ll believe you.
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Do you want to know how to keep a dummy intrigued?
I’ll tweet it tomorrow.
SON: dad why is my sister named Rose
DAD: because your mother loves roses
SON: i see. thank you dad
DAD: no problem, My Beautiful Wife
*accidentally walks into lion’s den
*goes back to party in lion’s living room
You’re born, you grow up, you start listening to a Pink Floyd song, you get married, have kids, you die, the song hasn’t finished.
People: why do dogs bark at the mail man every single day
Dogs: the mailman has literally never gotten in how do you not see what I’m doing
Everyone knows Robin but not a lot of people know Batman’s other sidekicks: Stealin, Burglin, Thievin
you got mad on your own you can get happy on your own
-me giving a baby advice
If I’m ever possessed, I hope the demon remembers these curls need product to bounce.
“Flatulence is not an emotion.”
-me explaining feelings to boyfriend