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@Kunk7

Current forecast: 3-6 inches of 🔥🔥🔥🔥

@MikeDolanVEVO

My uncle (111 M) gifted me (50 M) a ring before leaving to go travelling. A close family friend (2,019 M) told me to destroy the ring due to problematic associations with the jeweller who made it, but the ring is precious to me and I would feel guilty throwing it away. AITA?

@pleatedjeans

[Shark Tank]
an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm
Sounds dum-
It’s called the Alarmadillo
OMG SOLD

@Try2StopME

CAUTION:
Even if your wife uses dual a sim phone, save both the number under one name “WIFE”.

Never save it as “Wife 1” & “Wife 2”.

@mrjohntofu

Saw a unicorn using a phone booth and all I can think is, who is she calling?

@SomthinBoutSara

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down.

You’re dead now but the argument is over.

@BigJDubz

If you find a perfectly usable item discarded outside someone’s house, it’s best to assume it is haunted and leave it well alone:

– a nice chair? No, an evil chair
– a child’s bike? No, a possessed child’s bike
– a half-eaten burrito? Eat the burrito

@shutupmikeginn

So much wasted time in public school, as an adult I’ve never used cursive, done algebra, or had to remember anything from sex ed.

@BassoonJokes

The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes.