i think i blew my interview with that tech company when i said my biggest weakness was eating the free snacks
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Desire to not get beat up > Desire to wear a cloak
The girl in front of me sped up so I did too. She started to run, just like me. Then she yelled for help, me too. I wonder what we fled from
*In Class* Please don’t call on me, please don’t call on me! *Teacher Says Your Name*
In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
I can’t take my dog to the pond because the ducks keep attacking him…
Guess that’s what get for buying a pure bread dog.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you to kill a spider then realized you used her shoe
He’s 52, from now on let’s just call him John Depp.
A good woman is like home WiFi: Full of knowledge. Always there for you. Used by your roommate WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE THAT’S RIGHT AMY I KNOW