If your kid asks for a napkin it’s already too late.
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HER: i’m leaving u
ME: is it bc i don’t take u seriously
ME: yeah right
Chinese Food: $16.72
Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94
Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
mom i AM the friend that jumps off the bridge
House arrest? Your Honor, if anyone is going to be punished here it should be me. My house has done nothing wrong.
There’s a whole world of people out there!
*closes the door*
When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper “you did this.”
Picture someone chasing down a ping pong ball that fell on the floor.
Ok that’s how I dance.
I’m ‘confuses systems of measurement’ centimetres old.