“I’ll be black” the potato dramatically announced moments before going into Sarah Connor’s freezer
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Interviewer: “Are you good at making snap decisions?”
*20 minutes later*
007 is fired, becomes a scientist. He opens meetings with, “The name’s Bond, Hydrogen Bond.” Everyone laughs. He cries in the supply closet.
Because you can’t stick a watermelon in a tailpipe.
A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn’t have cheese on it
Wait couldn’t I just put the che
Mother of god
How come “you’re a peach” is a complement but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
*I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out*
ME: OH NO OH GOD
*still rummaging through bag*
ME: I’ve forgotten it
“I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In” is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.
What do you call a group of kids?
….. a migraine
BUSINESS SNAKE: [dictating a letter]
SECRETARY: [just hammering the S key]