I’m gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.
You Might Also Like
It’s not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else.
It’s bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors
I’m just a girl.
Standing in front of a girl.
Wondering how she got her eyeliner on so perfectly.
Great! I just wet my pants. Now people are gonna think I spilled my drink on myself.
ME: *grabs a blindfold from the nightstand*
GIRLFRIEND: omg really?
ME: *blindfolding the dog at the end of the bed* really.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
FRIEND: Hey, how are you doing?
ME (who goes to a lot of concerts): Wooooo.
Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden’s Endless Pasta for their last meal?
If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system.
Good job Twitter #RAW