Let my 4 year old score his first goal on me in hockey & he said, “NA NA, you couldn’t stop me!” so he also received his first cross-check.
Hub: What time is our movie tonight?
Me: 7:30. It’s 2 hours 50 minutes
Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30
“Back off ladies. He’s mine”
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Once I read this story abt a meth addict, she’d vacuum her whole house daily, even the walls, and that alone was enough to keep me off meth.
Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles.
Diets are hard.
I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn’t be fare to him
I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
All I’m saying is there’s no coincidence that Superheroes come in all forms and so does cheese.
Me watching any college movie:
WHY AREN’T THESE KIDS STUDYING
I thought I saw a coyote in the yard tonight but I couldn’t tell because it didnt have an anvil.
Finally watching Michael Bay’s TMNT. Best part so far is a dude answering a Skype call and yelling “How did you get this number?!?”