They say the best part of having sex with a mom are the snacks after, but you have to earn that. If the sex is mediocre you’re getting a glass of water and a little box of raisins.
Hub: What’s this?
Me: A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in & I’m a little closer to freedom.
Hub: *puts $100 in*
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Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden’s Endless Pasta for their last meal?
If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system.
i’m reading this thesaurus. it’s really interesting, or should i say… very interesting.
The dinosaurs died for our sins.
If any cheetahs are reading this, please do not eat my son.
I want my hearse to have ‘JUST DIED’ written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper.
the guy who invented predictive text died yesterday
his funfair is next Friday
Can I have your parents’ phone number? I really need to inquire how you came to be 45 and don’t know that the “$” goes BEFORE the numbers.
Of course Jesus saves. He’s Jewish.