Hubby is trying to get it up…There we go…Ok now it won’t go down-oh there it goes…Shit, now it’s going back up!

Garage door is broken

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Black Super Mario

*Jumps on mushroom*

*Throws fireball at turtle*

*Slides down sewer pipe*

*Arrested for assault, arson, and trespass*


Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol


That moment the school calls because 15 was caught drinking at school and it’s still the same principal that had to call your parents.


You had my full attention until you said “without further adieu.”


After taking this customer satisfaction survey, please take a brief survey to let us know how your experience taking our survey was.


horrifying if literal: the electric slide


Had to have “the talk” with my 5yr old. He asked me where sandwiches come from.


I’m watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit.


*crawls into bed naked*
*grabs a book*
*sips wine*
This is nice. I wonder whose house this is.