Girls go to the bathroom together because that’s where we rap battle
Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!!
And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on “COPS”
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Recently I discovered when changing sex positions, it’s better to make the Transformers sounds inside your head rather than vocalizing them.
When I was little I would sit with my grampy and we would look out the window together. He would give me sips of his beer and sugar cubes.
Related: I’m now an alcoholic race horse.
Going to the doctors at my age is called a lecture.
him, leaving for work: we still need to talk about your soap opera addiction
me: *walks away and stares out the window as the rain starts to fall* just go
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Please pray for my friends’ 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn’t photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook.
People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
If history has taught us anything, I’d be surprised.
Personal trainer said we’re going to try some dips today.
I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.