@dimplesticks

[Hubs to my 6yo]

Hubs: So, your mother says sarcasm doesn’t work with children

6yo: You dont say!

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@hipchkk

A decepticon is a just a cheeky emoticon at the end of a message intended to excuse the sender and confuse the recipient.

Ex: Please die 😉

@Cognitive_Diss

The 70s had it right.

Back then, ugly people were allowed to make music.

@hunbothered

2000: “With our great minds, in the next 20 years we will be colonizing Mars.”

2020: “Gather round everyone, here’s a video on how to wash your hands.”

@TravLeBlanc

I’m not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!

@AmandaRNH

I have 3 kids and often wonder what their future holds.

10: will be a teacher

5: a doctor

3: a dictator – just not sure which country she will take over yet. So many choices, but I’m thinking Canada because they are so polite and she is scary AF.

@BritXNic

Don’t argue with strangers on the Internet.

Save up all that negative energy for your coworkers and door to door salesmen.

@ricsem

Computer dating is fine… if you are a computer.

@Reverend_Scott

The year 2932, lines for the new iPhone are so long, many die before reaching the end. Those who do, get back in line for the next phone.

@PeachyPixel8

I JUST DRUNK 37 MONSTER ENERGYS AND NOW I CAN SMELL ABSTRACT LEGISLATIVE EUPHEMISMS