@CommonSavant

Huffington Post says all that passive aggressive behavior can harm your marriage.

In other obvious news, water is wet and the sun is hot.

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@thisislizz

The D word that everyone’s been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently.

Aaaaand there’s HR calling me. Brb.

@SentenceReduced

Billboards never give helpful advice like “hey you’re about to walk into work with your fly down”.

@minkahunter

once when I was at work I missed like 30 calls from my boyfriend & a text saying it was an emergency.

when I called him back the emergency was that fraiser’s son was goth in the episode he had just watched.

@TheMichaelRock

My 8yo is watching a video of a guy watching a video of another guy flipping water bottles. Please pray for me during this difficult time.

@Jeffwni

[Ancient Egypt job centre]
– Name?
“Ankhesenamun”
– How do you spell that?
“Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest”

@QwertyJones3

Why did they call it “All Dogs Go To Heaven” and not “Hell Hath No Furry”?

@PatsATweetin

Wife: *falls in volcano*

Me: You ok, honey?

Wife: Ya. Can you toss me a blanket?