im more than just a birth year and a death year so my tombstone will instead be engraved with a handful of random years i remember enjoying
Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.
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Interviewer: what’s your biggest weakness?
Me: im very straight forward
I: doesn’t sound like a weakness
M: you look stupid in that tie
My daughter: Do you want a kiss daddy?
Me: Of course.
My daughter: Does it make you sad that no other girls want to kiss you?
[ GUY INVENTING THE LUGE ]
[*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!
cop: way to go, mystery inc., you’ve caught yet another monster
shaggy: no problem
cop: lets celebrate by eating those brownies we saw in the mystery machine
shaggy: haha lets not do that
Her: You wanna Netflix and chill?
Me: I don’t have Netflix
Her: It means sex
Me: Oh right no I don’t have that either
Despite popular opinion, you can eat fire. You just can’t eat it twice.
I think I’m a genius…. I just solved a rubiks cube so fast!
It only took me 5 minutes and 25 seconds to peel off all the stickers.
Faster! Faster! Faster! Don’t stop! Almost there!Yes! YESSSS! -me trying to get everyone through the traffic light.
*pronounces carrot like tarot*