@badbanana: Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.
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@amydillon: Married conversation is like regular conversation except you're both brushing your teeth.
@reczit: Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day.
@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?
@Ohaiqtpie: On a poster in my math class "4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions" The sad thing is my first thought was "Oh good, I'm not alone!"