Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling “The laptop’s not a touch screen,” at my kids.
[husband and wife decide to try swinging]
Wife: I never should’ve agreed to this, it’s only fun for you
Husband: PUSH ME HIGHER! WEEEEE!
You Might Also Like
SAVAGE AF LMAOOOOOO
My 4yo is crying because she has outgrown her clothes during quarantine.
Same girl, same.
In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with.
Mafia boss: “I want him swimming with the fishes!”
*later at the coral reef*
Me: “This is amazing!”
Mafia boss: “Anything for you.”
I’ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I’ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can’t reach the remote.
Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats.
I know you’ve been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it’s over now. Also, you’re a donut. And I ate you.
No horror movie will ever be as scary as the sight of the water going up instead of down when I flush the toilet.
You’re missing the point and possibly a chromosome…