If by “chivalry is dead” you mean “I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she’s making me do laundry for a week” then yes chivalry is dead
Husband: “I read that divorce rates will increase because of pandemic.
Do you …
Me: “Yes, I want a divorce.”
Husband: …think it’s true.”
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Someone on the radio said Britain will remain calm about the Coronavirus.
People phoned the police when KFC ran out of chicken
Cannibals don’t drink coffee.
They have a cup of Joe instead.
Going to a wedding today:
Me: Do I look ok boys?
6: You look fine.
9: You look wow.
Clearly I have work to do with the little one.
If cats could talk, they’d probably yell “PARKOUR” a lot.
[Dad jokes anonymous]
“…and I’m clean 30 days”
Guy from back: HI CLEAN 3O DAYS I’M DAD
“DAMN IT, JERRY!”
The older I get, the less ‘life in prison’ becomes a deterrent.
This is your pilot speaking. We’ll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane
*gets taste of own medicine*
Yep this is my medicine
I’d pay someone to push me out of pictures when I’m drunk.