KID: Why’s the sky blue
DAD: It’s sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction
HUSBAND: Why are you late?
ME: I was at church.
HUSBAND: I find that hard to believe. Did they have a breakfast buffet or something?
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Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, “Yes, honey I do.”
Him: Hurt me
Me: Your brother is hotter than you
Me: Not a big fan of the new haircut either
You know who doesn’t sleep like a baby? Babies.
The difference between kids and prison is that in prison they let you read.
H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower!
Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower.
H: Yeah but you’re not in it right now, I am.
Wife: Our daughter lied to me.
Me: What did I tell you about telling the truth?
5-year-old: It’s only for people who don’t have lawyers.
8y:thank you for the present
….: no need..
8y: that’s what I thought too but mum said I have to
Not at all embarassing when your newly potty trained toddler drops drawer and starts peeing on a tree… a fake tree… in the middle of a restaurant.
“Let’s go round and introduce ourselves”