Who decided to call it a proctologist and not an analyst?
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When I hear “This call is being monitored for quality assurance” I think “Cool, let’s see how bad this person wants their job.”
For all the bad things that happened this year I sure did get fat.
9yo: *struggling for 10 mins trying to start peeling a banana* How do you get into these!?
Yo, evolution: You missed one..
The wife & I fought last night. Saying things that can’t be taken back. Like perishable goods. Baby food. DVDs with broken seals. Underwear.
I’m watching a French show and the guy says, “oui, non, potato,” and the subtitles translate it to, “yes, no, maybe.”
Show me someone who says they like all types of music and I will show you someone who has never been on hold before a conference call.
I’m too Shreksy for my shirt
My kids: *taking out Ouija board*