@LittleMissAngr1: I accidentally prayed on people's weaknesses instead of preying on them, and now they just think I'm kind.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: *Makes sure the new girl at work sees how much pineapple I eat at lunch* *winks*
@TheTimmyToes: (business meeting) *drops pen on the floor* *bends over to pick it up* *shirt comes untucked* *all the jelly beans start falling out*
@sixfootcandy: Me: The dog gives me more kisses because he loves me the most. Him: No, it's because you never wipe the ice cream off your chin.
@moutheaters: Me: Is the natural state of the soul quiet or chaos? Taco Bell cashier: Look buddy, it’s transient, shifting like water