I accidentally texted my wife with voice recognition…while playing the trombone

You Might Also Like


[trying something new]
Me: I might mess this up.
Friend: Believe in yourself.
Me (determined): I WILL mess this up.


teacher: No eating in class

people sitting in the back of the classroom:


In zoom meetings I try to sit as still as possible so that people think my connection is bad and don’t call on me


I’ll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.


The date had been magic.
We moved to her couch & kissed.
That’s when horror struck as my eyes locked on the Duck Dynasty DVDs on her shelf.


My advice for anyone who wants more followers is simple: Form them from dust and breathe into their nostrils. #workedforMe


Therapist: Tell me something that keeps you up at night.

Me: my husband’s snoring

Therapist: let me rephrase


People say you can’t avoid death but I’ve been doing it all my life.


“For I am Christ the Redeemer, He Who Saves!”- Jesus, using his coupons.


Who called it a Spanish teacher instead of an instruction Manuel?