@tastefactory: I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*
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@LuvPug: A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her
@UnFitz: Her idea of extending an olive branch was to sharpen one end first, then extend it REALLY hard.
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: ok i'm gonna tell you some stuff, but only if you promise not to judge me afterwards JUDGE: no can do