I would have instantly hit ET with a hammer and screamed the entire time
I always dream of being a millionaire
like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.
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You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here!
Of course, if you’re swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn’t be so judgy.
Is life fair? Short answer: No. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooo.
God: you’re a yak.
Yak: actually i’m an emo cow.
Yak: why do you think I grew my hair out?
Yak: cause i’m going through some stuff right now.
Yak: guess my favorite band?
Yak: my chemoocal romance.
God: [nods] you ARE an emo cow.
If I check out your blog, what will you do for me? Love me? Ok fine, but you’re telling my mom we’re going out.
and now we wait
So I have one coworker who uses “irregardless” and another who uses “unappropriate” and now I’m over trying to conversate with these people.
HORSE: *walks up to the bar*
ME [THE BARTENDER] : So, *raises an eyebrow* why the long face ?
HORSE: Oh *removes Nic Cage mask* Sorry
I’m farmer Joe, this is my farm
DO U HAVE COWS?
Yes, it’s a dairy farm
DO U HAVE WHALES?
Kid, why wouldn’t we have whales?
Five out of six people enjoy Russian Roulette.