It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
“I always keep a textbook with me when I hook up with girls so there’s no walk of shame I’m an early morning scholar #3.9GPA” – NSU
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Friend: Okay dating is really easy. You just have to act super natural
*later on date*
Me: *napkin on head* ooOOOooOo
Can I do this?
-Kids, while doing it
Her: THAT IS NOT A FANCY WATER FOUNTAIN
Me: *pulling my head out of a bidet* what?
After a heated discussion with Marie Kondo i’ve decided to throw myself in the trash.
DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you’re now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky.
*covered in blood holding eyeball
*nods to eyeball
Looking at the chart, rate your pain
I’m the winky face
If we eliminated, “Is your car running ok?” from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak.
Five Secrets of Successful People: