@rgay: I always say thank you to Alexa so that when the machines take over they know I am nice.
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@PaperWash: me: [placing 20 bags of pizza rolls onto counter] cashier: getting ready for the big snow storm? me: snow storm?
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [first weekend away from the kids] ME: lemme sleep 5 more minutes PRISON GUARD: ma’am your husband posted bail Friday
@FuckabillyRex: Hey, babygirl, I have ten bucks and a BOGO coupon for McDonalds. Wanna come watch me eat two Big Macs?