@wit_haze: I always wanted to be on Family Feud but there were never 5 people in my family speaking to each other at one time.
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@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
@Gupton68: Wife: I won't ask again, take the trash out! Me: OK, ok. I'm doing it! [3 days later] W: Can you take the trash out? M: No way! W: *angry* I beg your pardon? M: *shrugging* You promised you'd never ask me again W: I despise you
@_TeaChap: Scientology, because even Jehovah Witnesses need something to laugh at after a hard day of knocking on doors.
@EndhooS: Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"