@Cunda22

I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don’t look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning.

You Might Also Like

@maisondecris

new dad Todd: lol check out what I did with my baby

friend: lmao dude did you actually put him in a treetop

Todd: lmao the wind rocks him so I don’t have to

friend: yo what if the bough breaks or some shit hahaha

Todd (suddenly serious): bro why would you even say that

@JohnLyonTweets

Text: CMAO

Me: I think you mean LMAO, for “Laughing my ass off.”

That guy in 127 Hours who got his arm trapped under a boulder: No.

@ClichedOut

my grandpa: this pizza has no toppings

me: close the box, turn it over, and open it again

my grandpa: well i’ll be damned

@junejuly12

That awkward moment when you make eye contact with a cute guy in the mall food court as you’re slurping up a 2-foot long noodle.

Sup?

@Tmoney68

I like to make sure my breath is always fresh.

*eats entire sleeve of Thin Mints*

@theguydf

It’s 2014 and somehow we still don’t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.

@TitansHomer

Guess what!

Some blacks don’t like whites, some whites don’t like blacks!

And nobody likes Mexicans!

Big deal! Who cares!

@kumailn

Million dollar idea: Nutella, but super healthy.