@jmksr68

I am always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank.

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@SINGING_GHOSTS

i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats

@KimmyMonte

Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don’t like any of the current presidential candidates

@T_Bonezzz_

DON’T STOP BELIEVING!

…..but feel free to be somewhat skeptical from time-to-time

@torrami

Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don’t let them see the gun.

@BromanConsul

“Science HAS gone too far,” I whisper, gazing out across the sea of boneless chickens slithering through the farmyard.
The Colonel laughs.

@abhorrent_wife

Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don’t have to share.

@causticbob

I went to the local art museum, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures.

But unfortunately I’m now banned until I bring them back.