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@wickedsuga: I am an expert at making balloon animals.
May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?
@KalvinMacleod: HER: my dad hates puns but loves food
ME: got it
HER: dad, this my date
ME: hey papaya yam glad to meat u
HIM: *shakes then crushes my hand*
@tchrquotes: Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything?
Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco...
Me: I'll have 9 tacos.
@murrman5: did your friends rob that bank?
"I'll never talk"
I forgot that you're prejudice
"what?!? some of my best friends rob banks"
@Fred_Delicious: *cop bursts into bathroom*
"KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!"
*toilet is wearing shades*
"damn. we're too late"
*toilet rides off on motorcycle*
@Bratterina: I dont mind splitting a bill on a date but if you ask me to work out the math part of it, then just get out my life buddy. I dont math for nobody.