I fall in love too easily.
It’s ditches, I fall in ditches too easily
I am at my most sexiest when I have to wash my hair twice in one day because I got ranch dressing in my hair from eating wings for dinner. Line forms to the left, gentlemen.
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My husband swears he doesn’t read my stupid magazines, so I guess we have a ghost that leaves my Entertainment Weekly in the bathroom.
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s meant to be. So only become emotionally invested with boomerangs and dogs.
Husband:”Everyone is staring at us.”
Me:(In a luchador mask and pink feather boa)”It’s probably because you said no cheese.”
I’ve been using my 4 year old as an alarm clock for the last month. Let me tell you, remarkably consistent.
Interviewer: Where did you receive your education?
Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate?
Me: I yust got out in Yuly
DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE’S DINNER SHE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU
Relationship tip: every night text yourself “Good morning love!” & turn off your phone real quick to wake up with a good morning text.
Step 1:Make pillows with”Love” printed on them
Step 2:Become a lawyer
Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love
Step 4:Become rich
*brings elephant to knife fight
*nobody talks about it