Once I get the creative juices flowing, I realize how disgusting that really sounds.
I am going to miss shaking hands after sex.
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hey Disney-Pixar here’s an idea maybe make a movie where the daughter ACTUALLY LISTENS TO HER FATHER
Employee: Sir you’ve been in that changing room for half an hour, what are you doing?
Me: *Crying* WAITING FOR IT TO WORK
Meatloaf wouldn’t have looked so winded if he’d just named the one thing he won’t do, instead of listing everything he would.
you’re a rock star,
get your game on,
get your tate on,
Old Macdonald had a really bad scrabble hand……
E – I – E – I – O…..
Holiday anxiety is the most festive of all the anxieties.
Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.