@Kirangandhi: I am learning from my mistake now. My son taught me maths today
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@iLick_sheDrip: Stop editing ya'll pics. What if you go missing? how you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on facebook & chief keef in person.
@BradBroaddus: My wife wants to go on a romantic date for Valentine's Day so I guess I'll stay home with the kids.
@ShortSleeveSuit: HER: you could use some exercise ME: i do pirates on the weekends HER: pilates? ME [hiding eye patch]: uh, yeah sure
@panmidwest: [interview to be a valet] me: hi nice to meet you i’m parker interviewer: you’re hired