Signs your wife is cheating:
1. Weird cologne
2. Emotional distance
3. Late-night abences
4. She introduces you to her boyfriend
I am not afraid to stand up to my wife when she is not looking.
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[Snow White sees her doctor]
Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor?
Doc: Damn it I told you I’m a mine worker not a doctor. It’s my name, idiot
We found Dove in a soapless place
What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have adquired over a….
*Accidentally drops cell phone on the toilet*
Preparing a work evaluation for someone who adds shit to my day on a regular.
Wondering if “inbred whackadoodle” paints a full picture.
OK. There’s several layers of fun to be had with this screen shot.
*Hands you a handbasket*
You know what to do…….
I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head.
Dog keeps sighing melodramatically. I know he wants me to ask him what’s wrong, but I’m not falling for it.
This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.