@wokkax3: I appreciate a dentist who accepts “I didn’t really expect to live this long” as the answer to why I haven’t been properly taking care of my teeth.
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@Love_bug1016: Me: Alexa, why can’t I ever get a guy to stick around? Alexa: *shows a montage of me staring at my phone since 2010.
@clindsaysway: Whenever I'm in a difficult situation, I think, "What would I do?" so I can do the opposite thing
@boring_as_heck: Oh, I can't check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You're saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?
@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco.