“Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER”
I’ll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS
I asked a millennial why she spent so much money on her wedding. She said you only get married once, then I laughed and laughed.
You Might Also Like
Curved TV Problems..
A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.
Cat: we need a life
Cat: well Im dead and ur talkin to me so more you
[boarding a plane]
me: I’m nervous
steward: oh why?
me: *leans in for kiss*
There’s no way that Cinderella was treated like shit her entire life, then a prince tells her he loves her & she wasn’t like “yeah right.”
When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself “what would the hulk do?”
Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!
My son recovered from his illness while I was filling out all the paperwork in the waiting room.
JK Rowling: the Whomping Willow was gay
I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.