I asked my 9 yr old a question 27 min ago.

She’s still answering it.

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“If you approach a bear in the woods, lie down and play dead” – brilliant rumor started by lazy bears


Burned 94 calories.
Exercise made me hungry.
Ate 940 calories.


In high school we had a thing called Ethics Day put on by Chick-Fil-A where they would give out coupons for free chicken sandwiches. My friends and I found the book of all the coupons and stole it. The devils of Ethics Day.


a lot of people are really funny but they’re not comedians and a lot of comedians are really funny but they’re not people


My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies


How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies?

Me looking at your eyebrows


Eating a box of Thin Mints doesn’t make you thin.



Me: my kids are obsessed with juice lately

Friend: mine too we got a really nice juicer so they can have healthy organic juice when they want it

Me, sticking a straw in a Capri Sun: cool


*Gestures to pie chart* “Now as you can see this chart is not nearly as delicious as it sounds.”


Friend: your kid is bouncing off the walls and running everywhere!

Me: yeah… she’s super tired

Friend: tired?

Me: it’s complicated