I’d only convert to Christianity to learn how to turn water to wine.
WHADYA MEAN THEY DON’T TEACH YOU THAT? WHAT’S THE POINT, THEN?
I asked my cat if I’m passive aggressive and she ignored me.
I hope I don’t forget to feed her tonight.
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Her: So, what is your major?
Him: I study forensics.
Her: Dude, that’s just 10!
It’s a doge eat doge world out there. Such cutthroat. Very survival of the fitter
Anyone else’s car getting 3 weeks to the gallon right now?
At 2am, nothing creeps me out more than the shadowy silhouette of my 3 year old.
Her: If I get fat will you break up with me?
Me: No but you’re now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden.
*son wants to go to water park*
*bring him to water park*
*he starts crying..because he’s getting wet*
this is why I drink
I just attempted a smoky eye and long story short, the raccoons have made me their leader
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn’t leave much room. It’s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.