Hey Alaska wilderness show person who is about to freeze to death with no hope in sight, maybe just cuddle up with the crew filming you…
I been working on my summer bod: it the same as my regular body, but this time more popsackles in it.
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“I am Daenerys Targaryen. The Unburnt. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of chains. Que-”
Job interviewer: Three references is fine.
My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I stopped going to doctors.
Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
Church: Follow Jesus.
Me: Does he follow back?
Me: Shoutout for shoutout??
Curious George Turns Off Google Image Safe Search
We’re out of milk.
Eh, kids can drink water.
We’re out of bread.
PB&J on hot dog buns it is!
We’re out of coffee.
WHAT. Get my keys.
I’ve lost count of how many times in the past week I looked at my inbox and said, “How the hell did I get on this mailing list?” And “What could the CEO of Spanx possibly have to tell me about the coronavirus?”
*Hires life coach*
“Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!”
*Fires life coach*
When the chips are down, be a good friend & say a few kind words to the chips. See if that helps.