@Reverend_Scott

I believe I can flyyy.

I believe I can touch the skyyy.

I believe I was mistaaaken.

I believe I’m faaalling.

I believe I’m gonna diiiie.

You Might Also Like

@VerbsRProudest

If I could time travel, I’d grab English major me in college & say, “Look, books will nourish your soul but take an appliance repair class.”

@brianbowman73

Sometimes you have to put your phone down and take a look at what’s around you..

And wonder how you drove your car into a swimming pool.

@awkwardlyours

There should be a safe word for small talk:

“So how about this weather we’re hav -”

“RUTABAGA! GOD DAMN IT JIM, RUTABAGA.”

@suz1973luq

Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.

@jnrbtsn

Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.

@MrsGoose69

Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood…. I saw the photos – we need to talk.

@chrellsangel

Salvador Dali’s body was once exhumed because of a paternity suit. I didn’t know they made those, but if it was so important, they shouldn’t have buried him in it.

@JBelk78

You think I’m over dramatic? When an octopus gets upset, it eats itself. THAT’S over dramatic.

@DaftLimmy

What’s heavier? A kilogramme of steel, or a kilogramme of feathers?

@markydoodoo

I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.