The first rule of Oedipus Club: mum’s the word.
I bet a lot more people would read the Bible if it was called The Adventures of Jesus and Friends.
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I don’t get why everyone talks so fast in old movies. What was the hurry? There was nothing to do back then.
Maybe sunscreen is like ketchup to sharks
In case you haven’t checked Facebook,
It’s hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!
GOD: You guys are bees
BEE: Are we important?
GOD: Mankind would collapse without you
BEE: Can we fly?
GOD: No, it’s physically impossible cause you’re all too fat lol
GOD: Ok fine I’ll figure it out
I know it might seem cruel, but unless you’ve lived through the horror of a sheep infestation, you couldn’t possibly understand.
My body language is more audible than visual.
Please do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,258 times in a day.
“The N stands for number – so no need to say ‘PIN number’.
“Terribly sorry, I’ll start again: ‘You’re dead if you don’t give me your PIN’.
Canadian: spell colour
American: no u spell color
American: no u