*walks into interview*
Thanks for coming in today. I’m Mr. Maballsonya, but please call me Phil.
*walks out of interview*
I bet history classes would be easier if the guy who named the War of 1812 got to name all the other wars.
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Dear Stephen Hawking,
You’re not the boss of us.
I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep
Fun fact: The average Canadian swallows eight moose per year in their sleep.
I’ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Just answered the door in my underpants. I said “Blimey, a talking door. What are you doing in my underpants?”
Who called it “falling in love” and not “assisted suicide”?
I’ll never forget dad’s last words: It’s way past Halloween! What moron left the hilarious CAUTION tape on this elevator?
Living in Switzerland wouldn’t be so bad. The flag is a plus.