I bet Ryan Gosling doesn’t even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint.

You Might Also Like


Anti-Vaxxer: Hey, did you hear the one about the kid with measles?

Vaccinated person: I don’t get it.


I am a vigilante zombie for that chocolate I think is hidden in the pantry. I will find you and I will eat you.


Not sure what a Shakira coochie board is but white people really like it


Gordon Ramsey: tell me what you’ve made here

Me: *placing my hand on his* an everlasting friendship


How to run faster:

1. Drink a lot of water
2. Wait till u have to pee
3. Start running

You’re welcome


My main goal in life is to become a cooking show judge

Mostly because I like to criticize people while I eat


*dog watching me feed cat*
-I honestly can’t remember the last time I had food.
-I fed you exactly 1 minute ago
-has it been a week I think it’s been a week


If I ever go missing, please put my photo on a Tequila bottle because nobody I know drinks milk.


I strongly condemn the ritual sacrifice of children to Satan.

It is morally wrong and, in my experience, completely ineffective.