Jogging, but with a car.
I bet the murder rate is so low in Canada because you have to go 300 miles to find someone to kill.
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Cigarette: Hey buddy.
Me: I don’t smoke anymore.
Cigarette: But buddy.
Me: You do make a good point. Fine.
They called me hysterical, and I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking “ghosts” questions.
Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty evil looks. I don’t want my own husband, so I sure as hell don’t want yours.
So many Jehovah’s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah’s Evidence.
I fully support any type of marriage that doesn’t involve me.
Me: wow this scratch n sniff sticker smells really good
Him: that’s my bandaid
A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the “wrong person,” which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting.