I saw a car with “Wash Me” written on it, so I set it on fire. I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow cars to become sentient!
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
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Witch: I’m not a witch!
Judge: Look, if we’re being honest, you’re on trial for being a woman. Don’t make this weird
QB: So extra point or conversion?
QB: Are you ready to accept Jesus into your life?
I wonder if Captain America ever borrows money from Captain China.
[Burps] Wow, excuse me.
Judge: You’re excu-STOP THAT!
SPOILER ALERT for “Finding Bigfoot” TV show – they don’t find him. Again.
DATE: This is my first time at a French restaurant
ME: I feel like I’ve been here once before
DATE: Are you having deja vu?
ME: No I’m having the chicken
*Timmy cries from the bottom of the well
*Lassie takes gloves off, looks both ways, then walks away casually
It’s only Quarantine if it’s in the Quarante province of France. Otherwise it’s just Sparkling Isolation.
[drive thru window]
[apologize to homeowners]