@illTortuga: I bet Usher shows everyone to their seats at his concerts.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RunwayDan: I told my wife I wanted a ferret, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a ferret.
@gingerfaced: Did you ever think about ten years ago you'd be saying.. "I really hope this is a chick I'm talking to".
@SerialFuckup: Today's life lesson: "I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."
@TheQuietPsycho: *getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out