whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
I bet Usher shows everyone to their seats at his concerts.
You Might Also Like
Me: *Trying to sneak to the fridge for a late night snack*
Hardwood floors: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE
Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business
Sorry, your invitation got lost in the trash.
When the chips are down, be a good friend & say a few kind words to the chips. See if that helps.
How do mermaids call their friends ?
With their shell phone!
Sometimes I don’t delete negative instagram comments. I wait until they tally up some likes. Then I go see who liked the negative comment and block them. That way the person who left the negative comment did a service for me. They worked for me for free.
Omg like wtf
Cop: Tell me your alibi for last night, or you’re going to prison
Me (watched Fight Club with Voldemort): oh no
Buddy of mine dropped some acid… Burnt a hole in the floor… He was tripping for days!