Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?
I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…
I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature
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If you’re religious you dont get to pick & choose
“You shall not make for yourself an idol”
That Disney sticker means you’re going to hell
When being wrong every day for being alive isn’t working for you.
LAWYER: Can you tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: I’m sure I CAN, yes
LAWYER: Ugh. Please tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: Much better. I was killing the victim
The fastest land animal is a cheetah, the fastest bird is a peregrine falcon, and the fastest human is my Mom when anyone tags me in anything on Facebook
Show me someone who doesn’t talk back to the TV and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t watch sports or the news.
7 year resume gap marked “Not Drugs”
Is this the movie where a down and out coach is given a chance of a lifetime to turn these nobodies and misfits into a winning team?
Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats.
Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?