@dadtellsjokes
@NoogsCorner
Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?
You Might Also Like
@NoogsCorner
@theshamingofjay
If you’re religious you dont get to pick & choose
“You shall not make for yourself an idol”
That Disney sticker means you’re going to hell
@Douchekevin
Divorce.
When being wrong every day for being alive isn’t working for you.
@Home_Halfway
LAWYER: Can you tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: I’m sure I CAN, yes
LAWYER: Ugh. Please tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: Much better. I was killing the victim
@ginadivittorio
The fastest land animal is a cheetah, the fastest bird is a peregrine falcon, and the fastest human is my Mom when anyone tags me in anything on Facebook
@TheBoydP
Show me someone who doesn’t talk back to the TV and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t watch sports or the news.
@HelloCullen
7 year resume gap marked “Not Drugs”
@shawnspree
Is this the movie where a down and out coach is given a chance of a lifetime to turn these nobodies and misfits into a winning team?
@Laser_Cat
Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats.
@SirEviscerate
*re-dials*
Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?