@Xoolun

I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit.

And all I did was sign up.

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@TitansHomer

Wife: What’s the Harlem shake?

Me: I don’t know, I think they sell them at Burger King?

@murrman5

girl im dating buying shampoo: I’ll get this one
me looking for a reason to break up with her: coconut and orchids??

@pattymo

Just came across my proto-Simpsons shitpost from 2015, approximately one million years ago

@Jake_Vig

The correct amount of coffee is the amount where, if you perished, your heart would continue to beat for a good 2-3 days.