whoever named them missiles wasn’t very optimistic
I came, I saw, the neighbors complained.
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Sometimes I tell myself that everything that I’ve been through in life is totally worth it. Then I laugh hysterically.
Got my ponytail stuck in the paper shredder again.
*cancels haircut appt*
Dyslexic Superbowl watchers were probably disappointed when they saw football instead of a superb owl.
7 across) Person you work with, 9 letters
21 down) Person you hate, 9 letters
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I’d say I’m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Dear Snapchat, I don’t care what I look like as a strawberry, just give me a filter that makes me look like I showered.
THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO ALL THE BROS ON INSTAGRAM WHO CAN’T AFFORD SHIRTS
Baby: *sleeps longer than expected*
Me: *checks if baby is alive*
Kid: *makes loud thud from other room*
Me: *checks if kid is alive*
Teen: *hasn’t sighed in an hour*
Me: *checks if teen is alive*