@just1fool

I came in like a lion and went out like a kitten.

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@crocodilethumbs

what if pizza rolls grew into full size pizzas when u put them in water like those dinosaur bath toys

@Home_Halfway

I always like seeing those “Baby on Board” stickers because it’s nice to see agreeable babies out there.

@ASmallFiction

“I challenge you to a duel!”

“Very well. The weapon?”

“Compliments.”

“A capital choice.”

“Thank you, I- oh! I see you’ve dueled before!”

@Fred_Delicious

Simba – “welcome to… The bone zone”
Nala – “the what?”
Simba – “elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard”

@PickleRudd

With one icy glare from Wilma, Fred knew. It was not going to be a yabba dabba doo time. It was, in fact, a yabba dabba don’t time.

@Nicoleroxxu

One more glass of wine and my “only a lesbian from the waist up” rule is about to go out the window.

@hythemafia

*Food hits floor*

Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”

King Germ: “No!!! We must wait 5 seconds……”

@Shade510

(car shopping w/ teenage son)

Me: What do you think about this one?

Son: Well…I was kinda looking for leather seats.

Me: Leather seats??? You’re lucky it has seats.

@notalogin

Headline: “Female-named hurricanes kill more than male hurricanes because people don’t respect them, study finds”.
AKA, “My eye is up here”.